I am an unashamed Hanson fan. I can’t even call this a guilty pleasure because I feel no guilt. I never went to see Hanson in their prime because given the choice to take me to a Hanson concert or an NSYNC concert, my dad chose NSYNC. In the late 90s, that was arguably the better option of the two. One had sweet dance moves and a rad light show, and the other, um, didn’t. However, I have seen Hanson live multiple times, since I have been able to purchase my own tickets to the show… and alcohol from the bar. I have been of legal drinking age every time I’ve seen Hanson live. Once I did a shot at a Hanson show because I was still in college and responded very well to peer pressure. I immediately when to the bathroom and vomited because I don’t get along well with Jager.
Before you get all judge-y about my appreciation of the Hanson brothers, let me ask you something: Are you still living on money you made when you were a pre-teen? Didn’t think so. Shut it. Also, I dare you not to click on this.
Furthermore, they are all multi-instrumentalists who have been practicing their craft most of their lives. Rather than trying to live up to the level of fame of that song everyone knows, they kind of did whatever they wanted after the hysteria around their first album died off. There’s something to be said for staying true to yourself regardless of popularity and generally being good dudes. We’ll get to the charity work shortly.
Okay, wait a minute. Why am I justifying this? It’s reflex, I guess. Moving on.
Hanson’s latest project is called String Theory. They are touring the country and playing with elite symphony orchestras in various cities. I can only imagine the thrill the orchestra members felt when they found out the years they spent mastering their instruments would result in playing an orchestral arrangement of “Mmmbop” while women in their 30s lose their collective shit.
The music part was excellent. I wholeheartedly enjoyed it. But I don’t know how I felt about the display of poor behavior and buffoonery I witnessed in a SYMPHONY CONCERT HALL! Let’s catalog some of these things.
- Many girls were dressed in club attire, tits fully on display, posing with their best duckface in front of the stage. Full disclosure, this was a Saturday night in Downtown Denver, so maybe they were actually going to one of LoDo’s finest establishments after the concert. Also, I don’t want this to come across as shaming of any woman’s choice of clothing. I generally believe that women should wear whatever the fuck makes the feel good, regardless of the opinions of others, but consider the venue. (Also, wait a few bullet points for criticism of mens’ attire.) I would also like to note that all the Hanson brothers are married and have children. No one is leaving their wife and kids for you despite what you wished for your life in the fanfic you wrote at 15. Put your tits away!
- A man sitting two seats over from me who had to have been at least 40 yelled, “This is so much fun!” It was very loud. Everyone heard it. Even if it were appropriate to yell things in a venue like this, what a dumb thing to yell.
- Up in the balcony, there was some sort of pelvic thrust dance happening to the tune of “Mmmbop” accompanied by the symphony. Maybe she thought she was already at the club? I’m not sure.
- The ushers told exactly one person to put their phone away before completely giving up on that.
- There was a mass rush toward the stage toward stage during the last two songs.
- A man wore a backwards hat.
- A man in a graphic tee and cargo shorts was accompanied by his family including a daughter wearing what I think was some sort of Pokémon hat that had ears on it.
Again, all of this in a SYMPHONY CONCERT HALL.
Am I a huge snob? Maybe the symphony knew exactly what they were signing up for, and I need to loosen the hell up. Maybe the symphony taking itself (a lot) less seriously for a night is a good thing. I mean, they have movie nights at the symphony on a regular basis where they play famous movie scores like Jurassic Park and Star Wars. It’s a good way to bring people in and open them up to a new experience. And of course, it’s a good way to bring in some money. At the same time, that type of behavior or attire in that venue for any normal symphony event would just not be okay. This is not just the venue allowing Hanson to play; this is the Colorado Symphony Orchestra’s house.
I went on field trips to the symphony when I was in school. We were always told to dress nicely and be on our best behavior. Don’t talk… or, uh, yell things. You treat the art and the work with respect. Did no one else have that experience?
This also isn’t the first time I’ve seen Hanson fans behave like assholes. A few years ago, I went to a show at the Bluebird Theater. They broke during their set to talk about their Take the Walk Campaign.
(For those of you unfamiliar with Hanson, which I assume is most you, Hanson use to invite fans to walk a mile with them, often barefoot, in order to raise awareness and money for various challenges plaguing many African countries.)
The oldest brother, Isaac, began speaking when someone in the crowd yelled, “Where were you?” Isaac then explained that he was talking with a friend on the phone who was starting cancer treatment, and that was the reason he did not attend. The crowd was silent and uncomfortable. Of course, whoever yelled in the crowd that night had no way of knowing, but maybe if they didn’t feel so entitled to the company of a Hanson brother, who is in fact a human being with human problems, they wouldn’t have said anything.
I don’t know what conclusion I’m trying to draw here, but it’s one of the following:
- Hanson fans are dicks.
- Take your damn kids to the symphony, and teach them how to behave and dress.
- I’m a snob.
Like a $!*#&@? Lady 
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