I’m having a hard time subduing my emotions today, as I’m sure many are. I just had a nice, long vacation from work, and already, I feel like I am filled to the brim with toxic shit and on the brink of a breakdown.
The thing is… I don’t even know that I could fully articulate why I am an emotional train wreck at the moment. It’s probably a combination of things. But that’s kind of the point, right? Have we not all reached our emotional bandwidth? I know my emotional stability has been out the window for months as it is. Between having to maintain day to day responsibilities with work and home, trying to avoid getting sick, fearing for my friends and family and their health, social isolation, seasonal depression, and on top of all of that, having to digest and process whatever new national crisis is happening, I am spent.
I did not have the energy for Republicans and the Trump cult coup attempt, but here we are. And I wasn’t even surprised by it.
There are a lot of things about yesterday that slowly broke me – seeing the contrast in police action from the protests following George Floyd’s murder, all of these people doing atrocious things because they’ve been duped by those who are supposed to help make their lives better. Five people died. For what?
I’ve been politically aware and active from a very young age, and until the last four years (give or take), I carried the optimism that at least people sought public office for the right reasons and/or they truly believed that the things they were fighting for would make their constituents’ lives better. Even if I believed they are always on the wrong side of history, at least their intentions were good. Maybe that was naive.
I do still believe that to be true for many, but seeing people storm the Capitol because of lies their leaders have been persistently telling them breaks my spirit and my faith in government in so many ways. Those in power perpetuating lies do so for no other reason than for the pursuit of power for power’s sake. They know what they’re saying isn’t true; they aren’t helping anyone. In fact, they are actively harming people, whether it’s by lying about an election they didn’t win or sitting on COVID relief for months while people suffer only to do the absolute least. I hope that history remembers them for what they are and what they have enabled for the last four years.
And for those feeling the way I am – exhausted, sad, confused, or emotionally all over the place. Take a deep breath, cry if you need to, and keep going. You can do it. Remind yourself every day that things will get better. Take it one day at a time.
Welcome to 2021, everyone. We’re off to a rockin’ start.